I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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