i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
