I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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