Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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