don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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