I showed him my bush... on skype.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
