i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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