It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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