i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
