Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
