I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
