if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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