Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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