Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
