Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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