WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i drank out of a bidet.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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