just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
