Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
pop tarts are not kleenex
I love having hate sex.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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