Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
