he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
