I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
