I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
