how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
