I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
