Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
