I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
