Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
