i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
