So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
