Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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