I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
