Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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