Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
