she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
