Your dad touched me again.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
