Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
