I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
