I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
