there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
