Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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