yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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