Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
