i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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