i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
