you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
