you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
