You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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