there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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