loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Too much gin, very little bucket
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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