is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
