Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
